i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
