Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
