Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
