3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize