we made out on top of his cat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
