Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I touched a dick in church today
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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