I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
