Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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