The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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