She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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