Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
