I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
