Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
