he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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