I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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