whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
