I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
