The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill