I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize