I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
