Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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