They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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