They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
