ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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