she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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