I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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