i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
