Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
