I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
