the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
