Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
