woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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