the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
