32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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