i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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