Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry groucho hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

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(770): View more from Georgia

should I fuck that poor girl

(1-770): View more from Georgia

no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion

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(919): View more from North Carolina

anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi

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(305): View more from Florida

Party in the USA is so catchy!

(863): View more from Florida

Yea, so is AIDS.

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(208): View more from Idaho

The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.

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(916): View more from California

i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?

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(858): View more from California

you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.

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(951): View more from California

Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.

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