none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
