Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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