soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
