I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
