Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
