Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
