So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
