i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
