I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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