Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
