If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
