took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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