i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
