His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
