He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
