im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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