I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
