If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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