Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
