Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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