we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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