I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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