Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
