So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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