I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
