i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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