Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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