i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
