Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I stole a fireplace last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
