To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
