My brain says no but my pants say off.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
