Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
