Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
