It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
