So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
