FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
