Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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