i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
