Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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