you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
