Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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